The Problem with Juggling

Do you often find that life is like one long juggling act?  Over the last 12 months we have moved house, started to adjust to a new community, changed our cars, completed my first book, traveled quite a bit for work, helped with the needs of elderly relatives including my wonderful mum who passed away, and I have been in the process of changing my work role.  There has been a lot to juggle!    

Every time I feel like we are heading for some “smooth sailing”, a new challenge pops up, yet I suspect this is a list many of you are familiar with, depending on your season.  

The juggling act also involves not just the physical things such as tasks, schedules and events, it also involves the mental and emotional pressures that come with each challenge.  

How are we supposed to manage this juggling act, and remain intact? 

Together with the team at LeaderImpact, I recently released a book: “The Integrated Life of Leaders”.  The book is a fresh look at how we can live integrated lives as leaders and have a positive impact, without being overwhelmed by the juggling act that often seems to ensue.  

I have been encouraged by the initial feedback to the book, especially those who have used it as a catalyst for group discussion, so I wanted to share some excerpts and further reflections on some of the topics covered in the book in a short series of new articles over the coming months.   I am hoping you will enjoy these, along with reading your own copy of the book which you can buy here!   

So, How Good Are You at Juggling?

Unless you have a past career as a circus clown, I would guess that your juggling skills might be a bit like mine. I can manage a couple of balls at a time, but when the number increases significantly, I am more than likely to end up on the floor with balls raining down on me.

The same may be true in life and leadership. As leaders, we seem to face an ever-increasing set of demands, challenges, opportunities, and problems. This is not just in our professional world—it’s all of life: work, family, staying healthy, finances, and endless opportunities to serve in our communities.

How can we manage it all? How do we make a difference? How can we create a positive impact without becoming overwhelmed?

We Can’t Do It All

I have a confession.

I am not Superman. To be honest, most days I’m not sure I can even match Clark Kent. Yet, at the same time, I feel like I ought to be saving the world.

I suspect a lot of leaders have a desire to have an impact on the world, to make a difference, and leave a lasting legacy—but we can feel overwhelmed by the regular challenges of everyday life. Sometimes these challenges seem to prevent us from realizing our full potential.

Is it actually possible to make a positive impact with our lives while also trying to just make life work?

I believe it is. But I also believe that we can’t do it all. And we were never meant to.

Trying to “do it all” is not only exhausting, as we are pulled apart in competing directions, but it is also ultimately ineffective as we seek to do a little of everything.

Burnt Out in Barcelona

Barcelona is one of my favorite cities. I love the Gaudí architecture, the narrow lanes of the Barri Gotic, the gastronomy of the many restaurant options, and the beaches that spread for miles along the warm Mediterranean coast. However, on one visit, instead of enjoying the Hotel Mediterraneo where I was staying, I was experiencing an attack of anxiety, and I could not sleep without my mind filling with dread and panic.

I had flown from my home in New Zealand to Barcelona to participate in a weeklong global task force meeting. It was the second time that year.

I was exhausted from traveling. Did I mention yet that Barcelona is on the exact opposite side of the world to my home in New Zealand, a mere twenty thousand kilometers away? I had just finished leading a day of meetings, and as evening approached, I felt a wave of anxiety and panic come over me. I thought I was probably dying of a heart attack: tight chest, light-headedness, sweating. I contacted a doctor, and after a while he assured me that my heart was just fine and that I was most likely experiencing an anxiety attack. 

I had never experienced anything like this before. My life until then had almost always been on the go, moving forward, moving up, leading, achieving . . . I thought I was pretty much invincible. I was wrong.

I was thirty-four years old, leading a team of about sixty staff, and we had been experiencing incredible growth and expansion. This had meant lots of travel, and my body had decided it was time to remind me that I was human and that enough was enough. I also had a young family at home—my wonderful wife and two young sons—and always a few home projects on the go. Yet here I was, on the other side of the world, and I thought that my life was over! 

Well, my life was not over. In fact, my experience in Barcelona began a much deeper journey into understanding myself and reflecting on how to live a life of active leadership in a more integrated and fruitful way. It also drove me deeper into my relationship with God and dependence on him and his Spirit. This journey has taught me some insights to living a more integrated and impactful life.

Digging Deeper

As I look back on my journey of discovery and recovery, I remember three distinct phases: 

First, I thought I had just overdone things - so I read a lot of books, and sought to change my behaviour and slow down, build more margin into my life, observe “the sabbath” (one day of rest a week).  All of these were good things but they focussed on the external behavioural level which can be helpful, but it doesn't get to the deeper issues. 

Second, I realized my behaviour was driven by thoughts and feelings I was having, so I started seeing a counselor who helped me process some of these.  This too, was helpful as our behaviours are usually driven by our thinking and emotions. 

Third, I then met another counselor who suggested that while the first two steps were indeed helpful, I needed to dig deeper and uncover what core beliefs I held.  Even my subconscious beliefs influenced how I thought and felt, and therefore, guided the behaviors that were causing me trouble.   

Trace and Replace

This counselor taught me to face my unhelpful behaviours and trace them to uncover the thoughts and feelings driving them.  He then taught me to replace any incorrect underlying beliefs that were quiding my thinking and emotions.  

This process was revolutionary to me!  Yet it is so obvious when you take a step back to observe the pattern.  

For example, in my case -
My behavior was often to keep busy and productive, 

because I thought I needed to be productive to feel needed or of worth

because I believed that my worth and value were determined by my productivity

…which is not true!

By tracing this behaviour back to what is essentially a lie, I can replace the lie with truth - my worth and value are intrinsic to being created by God, who gives me my sense of self worth which is unchangeable and constant.  Grounded in that belief, my thinking and feelings will shift and I no longer need to behave based on the lie.   

We don't need to live at the mercy of our emotions and wrong thinking.  

I like how Henri Nouwen describes this:  “Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves.  All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over and drowning shows that my life is mostly a struggle for survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me”   - Henri Nouwen (from Meditations, henrinouwen.org)

The truth is we tend to become what we believe.  

No wonder Jesus said: “Know the truth, and the truth will set you free” - John 8:32

It's not about Balance

Finally, one thing I want to avoid implying here is that life can be, or needs to be “balanced.” Balance can tend to imply that there are several equally important aspects to life that we must seek to keep in balance all the time. An integrated life is not about keeping everything in balance. 

Often, one aspect of our lives may need more attention than another. This can change throughout our lives and in the different seasons of life, such as parenting and times of crisis or health challenges. The important thing is to know what needs attention at a given time. For example, if you are in a start-up business, it will take more emotional energy than it might once you get more established. If your teenage children are struggling at the same time, you have a leader-sized challenge to stay integrated. Sometimes this means life will feel very out of balance, even when we are focusing on the right things. 

No longer do I feel the need to keep juggling all the balls in order to prove anything about my worth.  Of course, there are seasons when balls keep coming my way, but I can now take a deeper look and be wiser in choosing which I need to catch now, and which I can let fall, or pick up later.

Here are a few further questions to ponder: 

• Can you recall a time when you realized you couldn't  do it all?   How did you respond?

• What advice about ‘managing it all’ would you give your younger self?

• Can you “face, trace and replace” a troubling behavior back to a wrong belief?  What is a new truth you can hold onto instead?